Some of the best memories I have as an attorney are not in Federal or Common Pleas Court, but instead in the “People’s Court” ….  Small claims court that is.  I think the reason for that is that while small claims court provides access to the average person for what is a dispute too small to merit the expense or hassle of a larger court, it also throws open the door for every crazy claim that anyone can write down on paper and is willing to put twenty five bucks down to file.  At the end of these cases however, there is usually a lesson or piece of information that may seem obvious to some and not so clear to others.  As I revisit some of these cases, hopefully what you thought all along will simply be confirmed or alternatively you’ll learn something, not in front of a bailiff and courtroom full of other people waiting there turn, but instead behind the privacy of your own computer.  The first such lesson is that spicy beef-stick may be spicy.

Yes, you read that last sentence correctly, in approximately 2001, Toledo Small Claims Court swung open its doors to what I like to think was the northwest Ohio case of the decade, up until the Tom Noe or Father Robinson trials.  I represented a local grocery store that was being sued by an older gentleman because he claimed the spicy beef-stick (it was a homemade store brand) was too spicy.  While most plaintiffs would have undoubtedly hired some high-powered product liability attorney, this crafty gentleman chose to go it alone.  When given the opportunity to present his case he kept it simple.  He had purchased spicy beef-stick expecting it to be spicy, “* * * but not that spicy.”  His injuries:  His voice had been changed forever …..  oh, and he had back and neck pain, his hair gotten thinner and whiter, his feet and legs hurt, at times his shoulders would bother him, he had ongoing headaches and his elbow started to crack and bleed one day.  All this from two bites of spicy beef-stick.  Just when I thought his case couldn’t get stronger he pulled out his ace in the hole ….  He told the judge that it wasn’t necessary for the judge to believe him because the Plaintiff had kept the rest of the beef-stick in his freezer for the past year and a half and the Judge was welcome to take a bite to see for himself. 

Perhaps I should have realized that it was my lucky day when rather than try the beef-stick and have the Judge’s elbow start bleeding, the Judge declined citing that he had no desire to eat beef-stick, let alone beef-stick that had been frozen for a year and a half.  The other sign that things were going my way might have been that literally no one could look the Plaintiff in the eyes for fear of laughing hysterically.  Finally, I think it helped that on cross-examination the Plaintiff conceded that he had eaten spicier things in his life without the same results.  Whether it was the cosmos or application of common sense, I managed to triumph in the case with the Court’s ruling serving as an indelible lesson:  When you buy spicy beef-stick, you should expect it to be spicy.

As my practice has progressed to bigger cases involving far larger consequences the lesson to be gained from that case still seems pertinent:  When involved in litigation expect the crazy and unexpected and your chances of success improve greatly.